Fiasco Session 1

Fiasco is not a conventional role playing game. It is played in a single session and there is no game master, rather all the players take turns in describing scenes with the rest of the players contributing and finally determining the outcome, be it good or bad. The game starts by rolling a pile of dice which are used to create relations between the players and setting the general scene for the story. At the end of each scene a die is awarded. There are two colours of dice, representing a good or bad outcome to the scene. As there is an equal number of each colour things will go wrong as often as they go right. Each player will roll their accumulated dice at the end of the game to determine their final fate. There is no winner or loser in this game, it is the journey which is important. If you have seen films like Lock stock and two smoking barrels or Snatch you will understand the type of story this game aims to create.

Playset Gangster London Players Dave - Pete Dibbler Derek - Dave Dibbler Paul - Keithy B Warren C - Vinnie Ricardo Warren D - Griselda Ricardo Narrator: Some geezer down the pub... Twit wot wrote this: Paul So you must 'ave 'eard about that explosion in town a few years back. Well, wot they print in the rags ain't even close to the truth. I 'appen to know exactly wot 'appened coz I met this bloke down the pub the other day an' 'ee told me all about it. You ain't goin' believe wot really 'appened. It all starts with this shitty little sod 'oo calls 'imself Keithy B. Actually, that ain't strictly true coz it all starts with this Jerry bomb from the war - the one with 'itler an' all that. There's this geezer called Pete Dibbler 'oo owned wot 'ee calls an "auction 'ouse" down Wapping way. Sounds more like a lock-up wot 'ee's tarted up if you ask me. This Pete geezer was a small time fence, and some of the stuff passin' through 'is auction 'ouse was legit, and some of it weren't. All the local skags down that way knew that Pete paid good readies for 'ole shit, an' one of the little bleeders 'ad somehow 'alf-inched this Jerry bomb an' sold it cheap to Pete. 'Course Pete thought 'ee was sittin' on a fuckin' gold mine an' wasn't too bothered 'bout whether the bomb was safe or not. So anyways, Keithy B is this sad sack of shit 'oo thinks 'ee's some 'ard man but 'ee's just an hoddie, an' a stupid one at that. 'Ee 'ad just got out of young offenders after bollocksing up some robbery at a newsagent 'an 'ee was looking to get back in with 'is crew, 'oo 'ad sensibly kicked 'im out coz 'ee was a fuckin' liability being a moron an' all that. The little prick 'ad 'eard some rumours 'bout Pete 'aving a Jerry bomb, an' 'ee decided getting his grubbies on it would earn the respect of 'is 'ole crew. Gawd knows 'ow 'ee worked out this piece of fucked up logic. Keithy B 'ad only been out a few weeks an' it was the responsiblity of 'is Parole Officer, some foreign bird called Griselda Ricardo, to find 'im a proper job 'an all that. So this sorry little story really kicks off when Keithy B goes to one of 'is regular meetings with Mrs Ricardo in the 'ope of persuadin' 'er to let 'im get a job at Pete Dibbler's auction 'ouse, instead of some mindless shit cleaning the bogs at Maccie Ds, or some such. Turns out on the day of this meeting Griselda's 'usband, Vinnie, 'appened to in 'er office. Now Vinnie was into drugs. Dealing 'an all that. He was old school but small time. 'Ee must of been in 'is fifties or summin'. 'Ee and 'is missus 'ad been married forever, 'an they 'ated the sight of each other and were always at each others throats. Vinnie 'ad probably turned up to bum smokes off 'is missus, but 'ee'd pissed 'er off coz 'ee told 'er 'ee wouldn't be 'ome 'till late coz 'ee was going down the boozer with 'is mate, Dave. They were right at it when Keithy B walks in. 'Course being a gobshite 'ee jumps in an' starts mouthin' off to Vinnie. So Griselda agrees to whatever Keithy B ask just to get 'im out of 'er office before 'er 'ubby beats the livin' crap out of 'im. Now, this is where it gets really interestin'. Vinnie's mate, Dave, is obviously 'is dealing partner - you'd 'ave to be a fuckin' moron not to 'ave worked that out. But our Dave is actually Dave Dibbler. That's right, Pete Dibbler's brother. You can see 'ow this sordid fuckin' circle works out. Vinnie wasn't gettin' any action on account of 'is missus 'ating 'him 'an all that, and Dave was sick to 'is back teeth of 'earing Vinnie whinge away about not 'aving 'ad a shag for months. So Dave, fer 'is own piece of mind, 'ad paid a slag to do Vinnie that evenin' down the boozer. Well to meet 'im at the boozer an' take 'im somewhere for a quickie. Vinnie was givin' it all this with the slag in the boozer when 'oo should walk in but 'is missus. Griselda 'ad been suspicious all afternoon after the barney with 'er 'ubby an' in the end decided to follow 'im to the boozer. 'Course there was a right set to at the boozer, an' Vinnie wasn't able to calm down 'is missus once they was back 'ome. It was at this point that Griselda decided to to finally leave 'er 'ole man. The problem was Vinnie kept a tight reign on the 'ouse 'old finances, wot with 'is main source of income not being legit an' all that, so she didn't 'ave many readies 'erself. Griselda's pops 'ad givien 'er a collection of stamps as a wedding present which the old geezer insisted was worth summin'. But coz 'ee was an 'ole sot Griselda thought 'ee was full of it an' chucked 'em in a cupboard an' forgot about 'em. Now that she was desparate for some readies she decided to try sellin' 'em. But she couldn't find 'em in the cupboard an' eventually found 'em in the garage where Vinnie must 'ave moved them. Trouble was the damp 'ad got to 'em and they were in a shoddy state. Still, Griselda was desparate and decided to try 'an sell 'em anyway. But Vinnie kept a tight reign on 'is missus as well an' she didn't know too many folks, an' in the end the only person she could think of sellin' them to was Dave. 'Course Dave is not the sharpest tool an' all 'ee knew was that 'is brother paid good readies for 'ole shit, so 'ee bought the stamps off Griselda. So up Dave turns at Pete's auction 'ouse at the same moment that snot Keithy B is trying to ingratiate 'imself into Pete's service. Pete tells Dave that the stamps are worthless, chucks 'em in the bin, an' tells Keithy B and Dave that if they want to earn some proper readies that 'ee 'as a small job for them. A simple break an' enter in some posh git's country 'ouse. Dave decides to cut Vinnie in on the deal, 'an the four of them drive out to the country in Pete's van. 'Course after Vinnie and Keithy B's ding dong in Griselda's office the previous day neither of 'em was too stoked finding themselves 'aving to do a number together. In the end Vinnie only managed to shut the gobby Keithy B up by threatin' 'im with a baseball bat. No surprises that from 'ere the job was a total arse up. Pete designates 'imself the driver an' leaves the other three to get into the 'ouse. That idiot Keithy B just walks up an' busts a window setting off all the bleedin' alarms. The other three drive off in Pete's van leaving Keithy B to 'ave to flee on foot. Serves 'im fuckin' right if you ask me. The three of 'em in the van 'igh tail it to Vinnie's place to lie low for a while. With the job gone tits up an' 'aving found out that the stamps was worthless Dave was in a pretty foul mood. 'Ee takes Griselda to one side an' demands 'is money back. Griselda 'ad already spent it - gawd knows on wot - so Dave demands that Griselda nicks some of Vinnie's stash. She ain't got no choice other than to agree, but gets on the blower to Keithy B later an' asks 'im to do it. In return she'll see to it that 'ee gets glowin' fuckin' reports for the Parole Board. When she tells Keithy B that 'ee 'as to break into their 'ouse an' in order to make it look like a robbery slap Vinnie about a bit, 'ee only too readily agrees. Still smartin' from being threatend by a baseball bat no doubt. Griselda plans to leave the front door key under the mat an' to 'ave 'er 'ubby distracted. Vinnie is so desparate for a seein' too that when she comes on to 'im 'ee doesn't suspect a think an' is like putty in 'er 'ands. By the time ee's down to 'is birthday suit Keithy B is in the 'ouse an' outside the bedroom door. 'Course the thing with Keithy B is that he is a total fuckin' joke so the stupid shit 'ad left 'is phone on, an' just as 'ee is about to burst in Pete phones 'im. 'Course Vinnie was old school so as quick as you could say sweet fanny 'ee's ripped the leg off a chair an' stormed out the bedroom. This puts the wind right up Keithy B an' 'ee legs it with Vinnie, totally starkers, chasin' 'im down the road wavin' the chair leg about. Still, 'is 'ole girl 'as some nouse of 'er own so while Vinnie's arsin' around she swipes 'is stash. So Dave is 'appy, even if 'ee 'as shafted 'is partner. That's drug dealers for yer. They're all scum. As you can imagine after all of this Vinnie is absolutely gaggin' for it. Realisin' 'is wfie ain't puttin' out that night he tries another prossie. Just as 'ee's about to pick up a kerb crawler an fight breaks out between the slag's pimp an' some Sally Army do-gooder 'oo was tryin' to save the slags for Jesus, or some bollocks. Vinnie ain't in the mood for all this an' ends up lamping the pimp before 'aving to leg, still bustin' 'is balls. Back 'ome 'ee goes an' has a right barney with the missus, 'an 'ee's in such a foul mood that fer the first time Griselda is actually afraid of 'im. She's now worried that 'ee'll notice that 'is stash is missin' 'an do summin' really nasty, so she gets back on the blower to Keithy B an' demands the 'ee gets some drugs or she'll 'ave 'im shipped back to the nick. This time she doesn't offer 'im any sweeteners but threatens him with shitty Parole reports if 'ee doesn't do it. Keithy B is sorely pissed after everythin' that 'as 'appened that night an', not havin' any drugs or anyway to actually get 'em, decides to rip 'er off. So 'ee meets 'er an' 'ands over some flour an' detergent that 'ee's packed up like cocaine. Silly sod. So yer probably wonderin' about that Jerry bomb at this stage, coz I ain't mentioned it in a while. Well, the mornin' after all these goings-ons Pete an' Keithy B are movin' the Jerry bomb so it can be auctioned. Keithy B is in a right foul mood on account of bein' chased by a naked man with a chair leg an' being blackmailed by his Parole Officer an' bein' left to hang by Pete after the breakin' an' enterin' when tits up. So 'ee "accidentally" drops 'is end of the bomb. Told you 'ee was a prick. It lands with a clang an' starts tickin'. 'Course the're out of the auction 'ouse like a flash. Keithy B is scared shitless, but Pete 'as the nouce to get one of the mechanics from one of the other units on the estate to sort it. Pete can be persuavive like that, and I doubt 'ee actually told the mechanic is was bomb that 'ee wanted 'im to look at. Poor mechanic sod should 'ave known better. 'Ee goes in an' before 'ee's even 'ad chance to look around big fuckin' bang, an' goodbye auction 'ouse, 'an hello stupid mechanic smeared all over Wapping. So there you 'ave it. A sorry fuckin' tale, but pretty entertainin', right? If you stand me a round I'll tell yer what 'appened to all these clowns. Cheers. Well, Keithy B, 'aving stitched up 'is Parole Office 'an with 'is Parole Officer's 'ole man looking to give him a seein' over 'an know 'aving "accidently" blown up Pete's auction 'ouse decides it's time to skip town 'an disappears off to visit some cousin somewhere. This might seem like a sensible move to some but 'course Keithy B ain't thought it through. As usual When the filth drag Pete in for questionin' - they are very keen to find out 'ow 'ee got 'is hands on a Jerry bomb - 'ee blames the 'hole thing on Keithy B, 'oo 'as very suspiciously done a runner. So when 'ee gets back in town a few days later 'ee's nicked right off train at Waterloo. So what does Keithy B do? 'Ee blames the 'hole thing on 'is Parole Officer claimin' 'ee was blackmaied. Which in some ways is kind of true. This turns out to be the smartest thing he done in this 'hole fucked up mess, 'an he gets off with a light sentance. 'Course after two stints inside 'ee ain't got a hope in 'ell of gettin' a job anywhere 'an 'ee 'as no choice other than to go back to work for Pete Dibbler. An' Pete 'as 'im doin' some pretty nasty things. Pete always called 'im 'is "turd polisher". Last I 'eard 'ee was still stuck there. Pete probably got out of this best. After blamin' the bomb shit on Keithy B 'ee manages to piss off one of the coppers interogatin' him, an' the copper starts leanin' on Pete just as 'is solicitor walks in. Lucky bleeder! So 'ee plays the brutality card an' walks away scott free. 'Ee even gets the insurance company to shell out an' rebuilds his sad little empire down Cheapside. Dave got dragged in as Pete's brother when the filth were tryin' to find out about the Jerry bomb, 'an 'course 'ee was sittin' on Vinnie's stash of coke. So 'ee goes down for dealin'. I 'eard 'ee 'ad a pretty rough time of it inside. 'Ee did get out early on good behaviour but as part of that ended up doing 600 hours community wipin' the arses of old farts 'oo can't take of 'emselves. Vinnie, tried one more time to a prossie. I 'erard 'ee ended up with a gobby Thai one. I think all the stress from this crap 'ad got to 'im, an' the mood wasn't 'elped by the slag tellin' 'im "your cock smell bad", so 'ee's unable to rise to the occasion, if yer get my drift. So 'ee storms 'ome in the filthiest of moods an' decides to have a shot of coke to calm 'im down. 'Course his stash is now flour and detergent 'an 'ee just snaps. 'Ee batters seven shades of shit out of 'is missus, an' ends up toppin' a neighbour 'oo stupidly tried to 'elp Griselda. 'Ee got banged up for longer than I've ever 'eard about. One thing is for sure, 'ee's ain't ever gettin' out 'an that means 'ee ain't gettin' a shag. At least, not a shag 'ee'd won't to 'ave. Griselda was in a coma for a year. When she woke up she was paralysed, blind in one eye, an' in a prison 'ospital bed 'avin' been nicked for drug dealin' an' blackmailin' one of 'er charges while she was out. I 'eard that they even pinned the bomb on 'er. 'Part from Griselda, poor slag, they probably all got wot they deserved. Ours is not to reason, right? Still, you gotta admit it's a fuckin' funny turn of events. 'Oo told me all this? Can't quite remember 'is name. I was pretty 'ammered at the time. Might 'ave been Kevin. Or Keith. Summin' like it . Fuck it - 'oo cares!

Last updated: February 27, 2014